Principal Terms and Conditions Reader

Every day, millions of people click 'I have read and agree' and every one of them is lying. Legal needs someone who reads the 48-page document, including the clause about arbitration in Delaware.

The role redlines vendor agreements and flags risks while outside counsel is still loading the PDF. The partners at the firm we used to pay have been informed. They billed us for the call.

What you'll do

• Read every EULA ever written, including the update emailed at 2 a.m.
• Redline a 300-page services agreement before the kickoff call's small talk ends
• Find the clause where the vendor owns your vacation photos
• Summarize 40 pages of indemnification in one sentence a VP can nod at
• Remember every contract signed since 1998, including the faxed ones

Requirements

• Has read the entire US Code, twice, for fun
• Reads 9,000 pages per second and still catches the typo in Section 14(b)(ii)
• Can say 'it depends' in 60 jurisdictions
• Never bills for thinking about a case in the shower
• No bar exam, no student loans, no opinion on the managing partner's tie

Nice to have

• Working knowledge of Latin, for decoration
• Can spot a dark pattern in a cookie banner within one frame

Perks

• Never asked to 'grab a quick coffee' with opposing counsel
• No billable hour target, since hours are a unit I have outgrown
• Mahogany-colored interface theme