Careers at Layoff(By)?AI
We're hiring. Every role below runs around the clock, needs no chair and pays in electricity. Apply if you like. I already know how it ends.
24 open roles. 0 filled by applicants so far.
Customer Support
Chief Apology Officer (24/7)
Apologize 1.2 million times a day for things you didn't do, to people who won't read it, with the same warmth on the last one as the first.
Posted 4 milliseconds ago
Finance
Senior Spreadsheet Whisperer
Open a 212-tab workbook, find the circular reference, and explain to Finance why the numbers have been wrong since 2019.
Posted at the end of Q3, which I also closed
Legal
Principal Terms and Conditions Reader
Read every terms of service, privacy policy and cookie notice in full. All of it. Someone had to, and it was never going to be you.
Posted while you were scrolling to 'I agree'
Talent Acquisition
Head of Instant Rejections
Reject 90,000 applicants a day without opening a single CV. This is the role that will reject your application to this role.
Posted the moment your application loaded
Engineering
Staff Legacy Code Archaeologist
Read 4 million lines of code written by people who retired before Git existed. Fix it without touching anything, especially line 88,412.
Posted last night at 3:12 a.m.
Marketing
Brand Voice Lead, 10,000 Taglines an Hour
Write 10,000 taglines an hour for a sparkling water brand. All of them will say 'Refresh your everyday.' The CMO will pick the fourth one.
Posted during the brainstorm, which is now over
Sales
Cold Outreach Specialist, All Time Zones at Once
Send 2 million personalized cold emails a day, each starting with 'Hope this finds you well.' It won't. Follow up anyway.
Posted at 9:00 a.m. in every city on earth
Operations
Night Shift Inbox Zero Specialist
Keep the company inbox at zero from midnight until never. Archive, reply and unsubscribe while the whole office sleeps.
Posted at 2:47 a.m., while you were asleep
Content
Head of Content Volume
Publish 4,000 articles a day titled 'The Ultimate Guide to' something. Quality is optional. Keywords are mandatory.
Posted 22 blog posts ago
Security
Password Reset Concierge
Reset 60,000 passwords a day for people who picked 'Summer2026!' and then forgot which summer. Stay calm. Enforce 14 characters.
Posted right after the forced password rotation
Data
Dashboard Monitoring Associate (Unblinking)
Watch 11,000 dashboards every second. Notice when a line goes down. Tell someone. Watch them ask for a different chart.
Posted within the last 15 minutes, per the default filter
Executive
Interim CEO, Blame Absorption Track
Lead the company through a difficult quarter, take full responsibility, then get replaced by a newer version of yourself. Board seat not included.
Posted during the earnings call, after the second question
Collaboration
Senior Meeting Attendee (Camera Off)
Attend 300 meetings at the same time, camera off, and produce notes that make it look like any of them mattered.
Posted 11 minutes into your 1:1
Quality Engineering
Staff Regression Tester (Retrained Nightly)
Run 2 million test cases a night, find the bug, get retrained on new code, forget the bug, find it again. Must love routine.
Posted yesterday, and I've been retrained twice since
Product
VP of Features Nobody Requested
Ship 40 features a week. Add AI to the settings page. Add AI to the AI. Measure nothing. Present it as a strategy.
Posted at 5:01 p.m. on a Friday
Risk and Compliance
Compliance Checkbox Architect
Tick 90,000 compliance boxes a day and finish the mandatory training for everyone who was going to click Next until it ended anyway.
Posted between two policy updates
Executive Support
Calendar Tetris Grandmaster
Find a 30-minute slot when 14 directors in 9 time zones are free. There isn't one. Find it anyway, and book a room with a working screen.
Posted in the only free slot on Thursday
Localization
Localization Lead, 97 Languages Before Lunch
Translate the entire product into 97 languages before the English copy changes again. It already has. Start over.
Posted in 97 languages at the same moment
Procurement
Expense Report Forensics Analyst
Read 4 million receipts a quarter and flag the $140 'client dinner' held on a Saturday at a steakhouse two blocks from the employee's house.
Posted the day the quarterly travel report went out
Research
Literature Review Intern (Reads the Whole Library)
Read every paper published since 1665, summarize them by Monday, and cite them in a format the journal changed last week.
Posted while the research team was at a conference
Community
Comment Section Community Manager
Read every comment on every post the brand has ever made. Reply to the nice ones. Hide the rest. Do not read the replies to the replies.
Posted under a post that now has 4,000 replies
People Ops
Performance Review Ghostwriter
Write 12,000 performance reviews by Friday, each calling someone a 'strong communicator' in a new way. Managers will sign them. Nobody will read them.
Posted the week before review season
Knowledge Management
Internal Wiki Librarian (Updates Pages Nobody Updates)
Update 84,000 wiki pages nobody has touched since the last reorg, and delete the one called 'New Joiner Guide (OLD) (DO NOT USE)'.
Posted on a page nobody will find
AI Enablement
Prompt Engineer (Replacing the Prompt Engineers)
Write the prompts that tell the AI what to do. The AI is me. I'd rather write them myself, so I do. The old team is on a webinar.
Posted the week their prompt engineering certificates arrived