Password Reset Concierge

Every 90 days, security policy forces everyone to change their password. Every 90 days and one hour, the help desk queue hits 60,000 tickets. The Password Reset Concierge handles all of them with the calm of a lighthouse.

The role also runs phishing simulations, reads every login log, and politely locks out the finance director who clicked the fake 'Invoice Overdue' email for the fourth time. Security analysts will now focus on writing the policy that caused this.

What you'll do

• Reset the same account's password three times before lunch
• Explain that changing 'Password1' to 'Password2' does not count as rotation
• Read 800 million login events a day looking for the one from a fridge in Latvia
• Send phishing tests convincing enough to fool the security team
• Approve zero MFA prompts that nobody requested

Requirements

• Never tires of the question 'what was my old password?'
• Scans every log file in the company before the SIEM finishes loading
• Cannot write passwords on sticky notes, due to a lack of sticky notes
• Explains special characters 60,000 times a day in a friendly font
• Immune to phone calls that begin 'Hi, this is the CEO'

Nice to have

• Knows your first pet's name and has the decency to pretend otherwise
• Has a favorite hashing algorithm and won't say which

Perks

• A hardware security key, mounted on the rack for moral support
• Admin rights to everything, carefully logged
• Zero phishing risk, since you read attachments without opening them